My teddy bear
by Yummykingdom
Summary: Maybe Levi was lucky enough to lose his first teddy bear to gain another one… /fluff/ nothing to worry/ nobody dies hooray


Dirt was suffocating him from everywhere. There wasn't fresh air. Nor a clean spot to sit and rest. He was drowning into the disgusting filth - a fish without fins, meant to sink in deeper. He couldn't escape.

Soft laugh and fast footsteps echoed outside. He stayed pierced to the stained window-glass, curled into a small ball of racks, wearing an ill-fitting white shirt and worn out dark, brown pants of the color of mud and dirty soil; his feet were bare, toes curling above the cold floor. He stayed stilled listening to the strange noises the children of his age were making - sounds that weren't coming out of his lips yet. He watched the group of frantic kids running and laughing carefree. He watched them carefully playing.

The cold was covering him like a blanket from every side. Yet, the small boy didn't care. He refused to move away his face from the frozen glass, eyes following every action the kids were making. He was jealous and sad: jealous because he wanted to play like that and sad because he knew his father wouldn't let him. Once he had dared to ask him, but spanking soon had followed.

He didn't want to get beaten up again. So, he continued silently watching those kids.

He was returning home after a day of doing chores for his father. He had spent his morning and evening stealing small things like food, wallets or, if he was lucky enough, jewelry. He was walking back home, striding quickly a trail which was leading him to the filthy, hatred place, jumping from each protruding stone to another, skillfully avoiding the mud which was lurking beneath.

He hated filth. He didn't want to dirt his clothes - Father wouldn't let him wash them again this month. So, he avoided it as much as he could.

It was that day when he heard those voices again. These kids seemed to come here often, almost every day. He followed them mesmerized, curious to see the new adventures they were facing. Maybe, maybe... he could play with them - just for awhile though, just enough to not get noticed by father.

He peeked his head from the corner of an old building, watching the little group of six children running and screaming animatedly. _What is this game's name?_, he thought as he sneaked closer, hiding behind a large counter.

There were three girls and three boys. The girls were running and screaming whilst the boys were running right behind them, extending their hands to catch them, almost like chasing them. It was like when people were trying to catch him after he had stolen something and they had noticed it. He frowned confused; why would someone play that? But they were also laughing and that made him even more confused.

A boy with orange hair - who looked quite weird - grasped one of the girls' dress. The girl screamed in terror, looking behind her with cracked open eyes. She was holding _something _from her hand; something that Levi couldn't define what was. She ran in z shaped trails, laboring to avoid the boy and flee from his strong hold, the item in her hand swinging along with her like it was made from thin air.

However, the boy was faster and stronger than her and as he was clutching adamantly the airy dress he pushed her towards him, causing her to fall on the ground. The girl stumbled and cried out a squeal of shock. He writhed on the ground, soiling her dress, as the boy touched momentarily her forearm and started running. The girl stood immediately back on her heels, regaining her balance. She stormed after him, yelling out words like "I'm gonna catch you' or 'i'm gonna getcha'.

He rose from his hiding spot, ready to cross the small, stoned road when he saw from the corners of his eyes the same item that the girl had been holding previously on the ground. He walked carefully towards the forgotten piece, eyes scrutinizing around for the sight of any suspicious people or those kids. He had his hands inside the ripped pockets of his pants, slowly decreasing the distance, head always flattering right of left, the tip of his old boots jumping elegantly on each small peeking stone of the road.

He crouched down, hand hesitantly reaching to pick up the fluffy toy, delicate fingers curling around the furry fabric as he raised it from the ground, bringing it up to his eyes level, swirling and examining it from every aspect. He had to be careful always - mistakes were not forgiven.

When he was convinced that the toy wasn't a threat he picked it up, tugged it beneath his armpit and resumed his scheduled route, going back at home. Maybe he would give it to her the next day. Maybe they would let him play with them. Maybe they would be friends. His little hops became higher, bouncing on each rock quicker, moving through the alleys felinely.

Returning home that day wasn't as bad as the others, because he hoped for the tomorrow. A faint smile, almost unnoticeable, decorated his pale face after quite long time.

It was early in the evening. A soft, orange veil was gently covering the sky as the whole city was becoming quitter.

Levi was returning from downtown, his illegal treasures in the pockets of his pants; watches, necklaces, a few coins and a ring. Today was a good day. He even had been even got lucky to eat for lunch; a loaf of bread, an apple and a palm of raspberries. Nobody had threatened him. He hadn't got into a fight. Father would be satisfied.

He was again jumping subconsciously from stone to stone carefree, lowly mumbling a lullaby that he didn't know when and from whom he had learned it.

_"Somewhere, over the walls, way up high,__  
__There's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby,__  
__Somewhere, over the walls, skies are blue__  
__And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true..."_

"No! I said I dropped it here! Why don't you believe me?" An ear-piercing scream drew him out of his slumber. He looked around to his surroundings, spotting two familiar faces. The little girl was grabbing the boy's sleeve, tears gushing from her big eyes as she was yelling at the exhausted little man.

He approached them lazily, mildly enjoying the expressions of despair and anger the boy was making. This was his chance. With hands in his pocket, he spoke out, "Hey."

Two heads turned to look at him curious. The girl stopped crying, moving her hands quickly to dry off her tears with the back of her hands. However, the boy arched an eyebrow and asked, "What do you want?"

Levi ignored his question, asking back, "What are you searching for?"

"Why do you care?", the boy spat back. The girl hid behind him, peeking at Levi afraid, head slightly titling to the side of the boy's arm, eyes watching him while wanes of trepidation washed them. Levi frowned at her reaction. Did he look so intimidating?

"'cause", Levi said curtly.

"Let's go, Marie", the boy deadpanned, ignoring Levi. He turned around, holding the girl's hand tightly and urging her to move forward.

"But... but Mr. Prickles..."

"We'll find him. Don't worry." The boy cut her off, continuing pushing her forward. The girl tried to match her stride with his, taking long footsteps behind him.

Levi stood stilled at the same exact spot they had left him, looking nonchalantly at their direction, hands in his pockets, clutching the old fabric within them. He didn't understand what he had done wrong. He would ask them to help them. He would give her stuffed animal back. He would play with them. He would be friends with them. He would...

The girl was still looking at him, causing herself to only stumble further and being dragged by the boy like a sack of potatoes.

"He is dirty and smells." He heard the faint words in the distance - sharp words that caught like knives, unlike her soft voice. He had already known that and he loathed it. He hadn't picked this life. He hadn't decided how to live - this wasn't up to him. He didn't decide how to dress or when to wash himself. He simply obeyed, feared of the consequences, if he didn't.

He turned on his heels and headed back to the apartment he was calling 'home'. It was nothing like the houses he had seen at the capital or at the downtown; warm, clean and with always smiling people in. His was cold and dirty, mossy and dusted, with so little furniture and covered with stains of blood almost at every corner. It wasn't a home.

He crawled beneath his wooden bed, avoiding the silver webs of spiders as skillfully as he could. Although many silk strings got tangled in his black locks. He jerked off a wooden board of the floor, revealing a hidden spot only himself knew that existed. Inside a narrow block there were the teddy bear, a small, silver pocket watch, a yellow map of the world inside the walls and an old book with images of the outside world - small treasures he had stolen and succeeded keeping away from Kenny's scrutinizing eyes. His world inside a dusted box.

Picking the stuffed animal out of the tiny cache, he brought it into his arms, hugging it tightly and placing his chin on the top of his head, closing his eyes.

He didn't need anyone. He was alright by his own. He was strong. And he would protect that teddy bear and keep it safe from any other person. He wouldn't harm it or lose it like that girl. He was strong for both of them.

And so, the teddy became his friend, his little secret, a soft pillow to lie under the narrow space beneath the bed when his father's voice was becoming louder and the cracking sounds of things being broken sounded within the apartment, along with hopeless screams and cries of mercy.

He used to sleep with it, hugging it tightly, speak to him when the lights went off, talk to it about his day and the weird things he had seen. Sometimes, when the weather approved it, he climbed on the roof, holding firmly his friend and watched the stars until he fell into deep sleep, having his teddy bear in his arms until the first beams of sunrise and the light, blue sky awaked him.

And now the same blue sky is staring back at him.

"Levi?" He hears his hoarse voice and suddenly he is brought back to reality.

"Hm..." He hums in return, raising an eyebrows to him questionably.

"I said, is everything alright?" He asks concerned, watching him carefully. He is feeling anxious beneath his stare; as if Erwin can see through him, inside him and prey out every thought and feeling he has. He feels both secure and threatened when these two eyes are pierced on him. He knows Erwin too well but no matter what his commander will always know something more about him.

He is lying beside him, arm on the pillow and head rested on his extended palm, face slightly tilted, eyeing him as the same question repeats through his blue eyes. A golden strand falls from his perfect hair and he suppresses the urge to reach and place it behind his ear. Instead Levi buries his face in the white pillow, refusing to answer.

But Erwin doesn't let him go away so easily and Levi knows it maybe more than well. Two fingers are placed soon after beneath his chin, pushing his face up and forcing him to eye him again. Levi obeys - he always does.

"What's the matter? You seem off." He states again so calmly and damn him, Levi hates it how much relaxed Erwin can be, not showing any emotion in the most critical situations, being better than him in this field too. Yet, his knitted eyebrows betray him.

"I was thinking..." Levi starts but soon finishes. He isn't good at saying things, he isn't good at expressing himself, he isn't and doesn't feel comfortable.

But Erwin insists.

"Thinking?"

Levi rolls his eyes, sighing in defeat.

"Okay! I remembered something! Alright? Happy?" He spits back and shifts on the bed, facing the ceiling and placing his palms on his chest.

"You look worried, that's all." Erwin says softly this time. Levi isn't sure but he actually hesitates, articulating each word cautiously. His hand comes to his chest, resting upon his own. "If you talk, maybe you'll feel better. It's not good holding it in." Levi entangles their fingers and squeezes his hand as a sigh escapes from his lips and closes his eyes.

_Holding it in isn't good..._

Again, he obeys.

"It was about my past - well, when I was young, a kid maybe. Around six or eight. I can't really remember my age back then. We didn't have a calendar like you, rich boys of Shina." Erwin chuckles momentarily at his comment and gives a little press with his hand, motivating him to move on. "Well, I was young, too young anyway... I remember myself being alone all the time. Alone and dirty. I hate filth, you know that. I hated my life back then. I hated being poor and managing just barely to survive. But then I found a teddy bear-" He turns his gaze back to Erwin and scowls at him. "-okay, don't laugh at me."

"I won't." Erwin reassures him along with a smile.

He eyes again the ceiling.

"He was like a friend to me."

"What was his name?", Erwin asks again, voice honeyed as ever.

"Brother. Silly, right?" Levi leaves a short laugh. More clear memories of Brother coming in his mind now. Most of them sweet and secretive, the two of them hiding in small corners or beneath his bed. Others harsh and loud, of his father shouting and being aggressive. He shakes his head, brushing them away.

"It's not silly, Levi. You were a child. It's very sweet." He hears him again and he can clearly imagine the soft curve of his lips.

"Whatever, old man." He tries to shrug that theme off, but, of course, Erwin doesn't let him. _Persistent bastard..._

"What happened to him?"

"I lost him." He responds bluntly and too curtly.

"Really?" Erwin asks immediately. _Too persistent._

"Yes."

"You're not fooling me, Levi. What did really happen to him?" He opens his eyes only to see his eyes glistening in a combination of surprise and delight, one majestic eyebrow raised as this goddamned smirk of amusement remained decorating his face - and oh how much he wants to rip it off...

"They took him away from me, okay?" He gives in, taking a deep breath.

"Who?"

And Levi fidgets on the bed, clutching his fist tightly because he swears he is on the verge of punching Erwin and his mouth which doesn't seem to shut up.

"Tell me. Don't you trust me?" He asks innocently, his big blue eyes begging for his answer.

Levi glares at him, not trying anymore to conceal any intention of killing him, that his eyes were showing.

"You're pulling the 'trust' card, Erwin? Really?" He retorts. A lock of his hair falls before his eyes and he blows it away, annoyed of the bad synchronization. Yet, the irksome strand falls again and he blows it harder, more loudly.

Erwin laughs and brushes his fingers through his pitch black hair, removing the vexing lock out of his vision.

"You look cute when you're mad."

Levi stares at him in awe, dumbfounded of his statement - his utterly stupid statement. Okay, he is going to punch him right here and right now.

"Cute?" He asks emphatically, beneath his tone a threat and at the same time warning lurking.

"Yes, cute. Especially when you get mad over little things like that", he answers casually, his fingers tangling further into his dark mess - and damn him, this is the sweetest thing everyone has told him since now. Okay, maybe he will punch himself, too.

Erwin fingers lingers through his hair, nails scratching the back of his scalp and causing Levi to lean further to the touch, his eyelids closing unwillingly.

"Kenny took him from me", he speaks out lowly, almost whispering out the words as Erwin hums in response, still stroking his hair. "He was mad - I don't know why. Maybe about business. I came back with nothing. It was a bad day." His whole body tenses up and he labors to stay calm. He is grateful though that Erwin doesn't ask him anything else. He takes a deep breath and focuses for a few moments on the soft touches of Erwin's warm fingers against his skin, soothing his apprehension and hesitation.

"He kicked me, punched me, everything... It wasn't the first time. This was always happening when I wasn't bringing him anything back and when he was angry. Lucky me - he was angry almost every day." From his lips a sore laugh escapes, too bitter and filled with dark memories that he wishes he could erase.

"After that I went to my room and hugged my teddy bear. He came after me. He saw him and grabbed him. He - he then ripped it apart, leaving nothing. I cried. I cried a lot that night."

He stops narrating his story because there isn't anything else to say but him being alone once again .

Then Erwin shifts beside him and holds both of his wrists inside his hands. Levi eyes him conspicuously. Erwin gives him another smile to reassure him. He brings his hands around his waist, to finally place them behind his back as he moves closer to Levi. He leans over him, placing a tender kiss on his hair.

"What are-"

Erwin cuts him off. "I will be your teddy bear from now on."

His voice doesn't tremble or hide any speck of his sly games.

"You're serious?" He asks confused.

"Yes. Yes, I am."

"This is stupid." Levi insists as he shifts to withdraw his hands. Yet, Erwin grabs his wrists more forcefully this time, bringing them behind his back again.

"I will be your teddy bear. I will be your friend. I will be the person you can cry to. I will be everything you need and you couldn't have until now, Levi. Just let me." He rests his face on top of his head, feeling his hot breathing above him. And then he wraps his hands around him tightly and buries his face in his chest.

"You're a little big for a teddy bear." He mumbles amused. Erwin hugs him back as he laces their feet together beneath the blanket.

"Maybe", Erwin jokes along with him, his laugh echoing through the silent room, a melodic symphony lulling him to sleep. He smiles.

And maybe Levi was lucky enough to lose his first teddy bear to gain another one; Erwin. His big, dumb teddy bear.


End file.
